I Don't Know How to Love Him....

I really do not know how to love him ever since I came up here to Subang. I think he changed a lot after half a year staying here. He loves to nag, always say that I'm untidy and my handwriting sucks.

Sometimes I don't know why, I just don't feel the love from him anymore, not as strong as last time. But sometimes, he's showering me with so much of love.

Sometimes I feel like we are just a normal friend, but sometimes I feel that we are lovers.

Sometimes his ignorance annoyed me, but sometimes I felt so blessed.

Evil thoughts kept crossing my mind.....

Does he treat his friend the same way he treats me? Does he nag at his friends? I wonder.... whether his friends all have really neat hand writings, eat properly( w/o sauce dripping out from their burger) I wonder....

He has changed..... totally...... Maybe he's just kacau-ing me..... or maybe he just want to nag. He said nagging at me is for my own good but I don't really think so, like the way he nag at me when I was eating mee, the way he nag at me when I was writing down notes for how to go to Mydin from e-tiara.

This is my first time staying here alone okay.... I didnt even know how Mydin looks like. Never mind, because I got a bunch of friends helping me telling where Mydin is. I really can't live w/o them.... seriously.

He said I don't make friends around unlike him, making friend's friend all around the world. He said I should make more friends and yet everytime he saw his friends walking pass us, he'll definitely use his hand to cover up his face, like he feels very ashamed when he's with me, or he has got a secret girlfriend?

I told him that he didnt even introduce his friends to me when we met, he'll just either run away leaving me behind or do that pose....( covering up the face pose). He said I surely can't mix up with his friends, then I was very furious that time( but still putting on a smiling face) 笑里藏刀 haha..... I asked him is it because I'm not a JPA scholar or wat ever scholar and he's ashamed of bringing me out to meet with his friends. Then he was like no...... he said he just have the feeling that I can't mix well with his friends. Okay fine! I"m already fed up wtih it.....

Maybe we see each other too often this year, but whenever he does that covering up pose, my heart shattered. why is he so ashamed of me? I have got millions and millions of whys to ask him, but I don't know where to start. It really hurts and it hurts so much. Each time I can feel my heartstrings is pulling me( tendal something..... forgot the scientific name of it) It's very painful....

oh love is handsome, may love be fine.
& love's a jewel while it's
new.
But when love grows old, it grows so cold,
& fades away like
morning dew.....